Written By: John Grey

Damn barking dogs to hell.
Infect infuriating neighbor with a plethora of nose warts.
Show some whiners what is really out there to complain about.
Give way to my inner primitive man.
Draw devil's horns and goatee on that photo spread
of the new bishop.
Apply for a 666 license plate.
Complain to the diner waitress that there is no hair in my soup.
Write a letter to the school committee complaining about how,
once again, there's no place for Black Arts in their curriculum.
Give a stranger the evil eye.
Look into purchasing the Jacobsen murder house.
Attend church —as an opposition scouting mission only- and place
rusty washer in collection box.
Spit on widows and orphans.
Plants seeds for black roses.
Set aside two hours of intense training for the end-game.
Steal toad specimens from natural history museum.
Drink red wine if nothing redder is available.
Celebrate any sudden drop in temperature.
Buy out Yankee Candle's supply of blacks and reds.
Call college radio station and request Pat Boone.
Scribble old vomit-inducing spell, in Latin, on the back of a bank deposit.
Enter politics.
Interrupt a group of school children with, "You want to know
who killed Cock Robin? It was me."
Celebrate any sudden rise in temperature.
Push someone in front of a speeding car and then
weep vociferously beside their mangled body.
Call Mr. Max, the movie guy, and demand to know why
"The Exorcist" isn't labeled a comedy.
Resume work on that "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" musical.
Spill a vial of something nasty looking into every public reservoir.
Google the words "depraved" and "nun" on the internet.
Scrape the mud from out of the goat's cloven hoof.
Then attend to my own.

John Grey is an Australian poet, US resident, recently published in Shift, Trampoline and Flights. Latest books, “Bittersweet”, “Subject Matters” and “Between Two Fires” are available through Amazon. Work upcoming in Levitate, White Wall Review and Willow Review.

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